Head injury getting you down? Brain fever giving you nightmares? Got some nasty masturbation issues? Go directly to your nearest Chic Chic Mental Asylum and check yourself in for a nice break from reality today!
Take in some fun electrotherapy and watch all your troubles fade away.
First 100 callers get a free monogrammed straight jacket and your choice of room with corrosion-free custom cuffs at the top and bottom of the bed!
Yes, that’s right, your own room and personal stainless ankle cuffs!
Can’t check yourself in? Don’t worry, we’ll look after that. Parents or spouses can sign-in for you. No doctor’s recommendation necessary!
Hurry now for the Chic Chic Mental Asylum Sale of the Century!
This month we have a special on wives and girlfriends. We call it the Husband Holiday Offer! Husbands: Got a superstitious wife or one with an undiagnosable female disease of the mind, body or soul ? Maybe she’s just a contrary nuisance and won’t shut the hell up. Send her our way and you can get the break you deserve. Extra-long stays welcome!
- Feebleness of Intellect
- Self Abuse
- Dissipation of Nerves
- Seduction and Disappointment.
- Novel Reading
Novel reading? You heard right. Nose-in-book Syndrome can be a real problem. It just so happens that this syndrome is this month’s Syndrome of The Month! It qualifies her to get her first night free and an upgrade* to visit our Zap & Sizzle Spa. Plug her in and watch that frown turn upside down. Now that’s we call a novel offer.
‘Electricity supplied by renewable and sustainable sources.’
- Deranged Masturbation
- Tobacco and Masturbation
- Masturbation for 30 years
- … and much much more masturbation-related things!
Can’t find a reason to commit? Send us your symptoms and we’ll make up one for you. It’ll be a symptom you can take straight to the bank!
‘Surgical instruments mostly used in everything we do.’
So book now and give your loved one the experience of a lifetime. And don’t you deserve a break today? Everyone needs a holiday. Tell us your dream holiday and you will go in for the draw to win a lifetime supply of valium.
‘At Chic Chic Mental Asylum, we care enough to leave the rubber gloves off.’
Member of UMAIN (United Mental Asylums Institute National)
Michael Forman’s books on Goodreads ratings: 4 (avg rating 4.50)
Michael has put together a strong, heart beating novel, one which the readers of ‘psychotic thrillers’ will enjoy – for the faint hearted, leave it alone! – Mike M. Roleystone