mental asylum special

Head injury getting you down? Brain fever giving you nightmares? Got some nasty masturbation issues? Go directly to your nearest Chic Chic Mental Asylum and check yourself in for a nice break from reality today!

Take in some fun electrotherapy and watch all your troubles fade away.

First 100 callers get a free monogrammed straight jacket and your choice of room with corrosion-free custom cuffs at the top and bottom of the bed!

Yes, that’s right, your own room and personal stainless ankle cuffs!

rain2

Can’t check yourself in? Don’t worry, we’ll look after that. Parents or spouses can sign-in for you. No doctor’s recommendation necessary!

Hurry now for the Chic Chic Mental Asylum Sale of the Century!

No surprise anal probing

This month we have a special on wives and girlfriends. We call it the Husband Holiday Offer! Husbands: Got a superstitious wife or one with an undiagnosable female disease of the mind, body or soul ? Maybe she’s just a contrary nuisance and won’t shut the hell up. Send her our way and you can get the break you deserve. Extra-long stays welcome!

Mental_Hospital_Conditions_and_Treatments_for_Patients_History_in_the_1950s_1953_Other committable reasons to send your favourite chick for a Chic Chic break:

  • Jealousy
  • Feebleness of Intellect
  • Dropsy
  • Self Abuse
  • Dissipation of Nerves
  • Seduction and Disappointment.
  • Novel Reading

Novel reading? You heard right. Nose-in-book Syndrome can be a real problem. It just so happens that this syndrome is this month’s Syndrome of The Month! It qualifies her to get her first night free and an upgrade* to visit our Zap & Sizzle Spa. Plug her in and watch that frown turn upside down. Now that’s we call a novel offer.

‘Electricity supplied by renewable and sustainable sources.’

serbianWe haven’t forgotten the ladies either. At Chic Chic you can commit your husband easily for:

  • Greediness
  • Deranged Masturbation
  • Egotism
  • Tobacco and Masturbation
  • Masturbation for 30 years
  • … and much much more masturbation-related things!

Can’t find a reason to commit? Send us your symptoms and we’ll make up one for you. It’ll be a symptom you can take straight to the bank!

‘Surgical instruments mostly used in everything we do.’

So book now and give your loved one the experience of a lifetime. And don’t you deserve a break today? Everyone needs a holiday. Tell us your dream holiday and you will go in for the draw to win a lifetime supply of valium.

‘At Chic Chic Mental Asylum, we care enough to leave the rubber gloves off.’

storymaker-slideshow-history-mental-asylum9-514x418What about the kids? Book in the next five minutes and we’ll take your Godless children for free. We’ve a Priest waiting to turn your child around right now!!!

Member of UMAIN (United Mental Asylums Institute National)


 The Novel ¦The Author ¦ Order 

Michael Forman’s books on Goodreads ratings: 4 (avg rating 4.50)

Seethings

Michael has put together a strong, heart beating novel, one which the readers of ‘psychotic thrillers’ will enjoy  – for the faint hearted, leave it alone! – Mike M. Roleystone

Chic Chic Mental Asylum: Shouldn’t You Try Us? was originally published on MICHAEL FORMAN AUTHOR

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