Love hurts most when lovers start to list off their relationship inputs like bankers dividing up dividends based investment percentages.
When love works, romantics sail to places out of reach of earthly wants. No one inside a new relationship will care about who does more or less. They want the fairytale and everything that comes with it.
But when things turn downwards and they are low, love martyrs return from the clouds and hit the ground hard. They’ll even rip their own hearts out in hope to show their opposite just how valuable their love effort was when things were good. Valuing a damaged heart is never a good sign for the future of any relationship.
No one plans for endings. Stories rarely close with: And they divorced happily ever-after.
But what’s wrong with saying goodbye and smiling knowing that our personal future will improve in some way? Optimism isn’t just for those living inside love-bubbles. Why can’t the hurt-ones take a scoop of that stuff for the time it’s needed most?
Breaking Old Habits After Love Hurts.
Breaking up is tragic. There’s always a sense of death that surrounds it. We lose someone significant in a break up. We lose something of ourselves too. A piece of something will die and it won’t be resurrected. Nothing will ever be the same again when love hurt ends everything. Wouldn’t it be just great if someone said that it’s okay to separate, to divorce, to go forth because that would be the right and honest thing to do? Can’t we just go there without the fear of taking the next step? Should we prefer suffering over change? Why stifle all that pent-up emotion during the day and let our pillows be the recipient of anger, sadness, frustration and yearning at night?
Many of us will prefer to do this than splitting-up because divorce is scary. There are too many variables to factor in when breaking up a long term relationship. Confronting the unknown creates fears that are far too dangerous for some to consider. What are we to do after making the decision to divorce? It’s like not being able to see in the dark. We don’t know what’s out there waiting for us. Maybe there’s a monster lurking in the shadows. Maybe there’s something worse out there, something so awful that it’s too hideous to think about like: Nothing, nothing at all.
Nothing is worse than loneliness. It’s nothing. It promises nothing. Love will go away and once it’s gone there’s no guarantee of it returning. Happiness will go away, gone, perhaps forever. Maybe I’ll die alone too, lonely, without anyone around me knowing if my life had any meaning or not. So instead of accepting that or taking a chance with optimism and nothing, I’ll prolong the torture by maintaining what I feel is an acceptable status quo with myself and my troubled relationship. I’ll support my fear-of-the-dark by lying to myself through lying to friends and family. I’ll tell them that everything is okay when I know in my heart that it’s truly not. I just don’t want to say it!
Moving On From Love Hurts.
Break ups do happen. They really do. They’re a natural part of life, just like those old ups and downs we wisely tell others about when love isn’t the main topic and the focus isn’t on ourselves. Love hurts and that’s a fact. The good must go with the bad. If we’re to believe that the tapestry of life isn’t made of just one colour, our favourite, then it’s possible it won’t be someone else’s.
We should be prepared to embrace the inevitable if it comes our way. Drawing things out believing that a positive change will occur if we wait long enough for it to happen isn’t always better, it’s just longer. At some point ongoing pain will be a strong motivator to accept change and it will come down to which pain is worse, staying or going. Only you’ll know when the time is right – but you’ll have to be the one who’s strong enough to commit to taking action.
When you’re ready to do that take a deep breath. To make the next part of the journey easier, make a step-by-step plan by writing out what you have to do to begin the ending. It’s a whole lot easier to focus on small components of the process than to try and figure out what the entire future brings. Just take a single step at a time.
Ask anyone who has been through divorce. Once the financial debris has settled and emotions have normalised, almost everyone who’s done it says that divorce improved their life. Few divorcees regret their choices. Even those who didn’t initiate the divorce in the first place will tell you the same!
It turns out that everyone can be winners in a divorce!
SEETHINGS is about love, long-term love too. It’s about two proud characters who once loved well but became love-martyrs to manage their endless end.
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Michael has put together a strong, heart beating novel, one which the readers of ‘psychotic thrillers’ will enjoy – for the faint hearted, leave it alone! – Mike M. Roleystone