See those fence spears at the bottom of this picture? They just killed someone… and not in the way you think!


Photographer’s Death Caused by Troublesome Fence

Fat Maxine was trying to get a picture of this bridge. Fat Maxine died in the process.

It was a stupid thing to do. It’s all her own fault. Anyone with any sense wouldn’t go past that fence. There’s a great cliff behind it! No one would survive a fall.

But there’s no telling Fat Maxine about things. When she get’s an idea in her head she’s single minded. She needn’t have bothered going past that fence anyway. There were other ways to solve the problem. The problem you ask? It was the fence itself: She didn’t want it in the picture like the one you see above. Her tripod was too low to get a shot over the spear-tops. It came down to four and a half inches of difference. Here’s another angle of the area when you pull back from it:

Photographer's Death cause by fence

So you see, the fence is long and it’s there to stop nut-cases like Fat Maxine getting anywhere near the cliff. No, she didn’t climb the fence and impale herself on it. Fat Maxine is too fat to climb fences of any type. Her fingers are too fat to grasp onto their poles. She would’ve died long before making it to the top!

Oh, Maxine, but why did you do that? All you had to was take your camera up to the fence and shoot through the bars! You would’ve had the shot you wanted and still be alive today. You could’ve used the extender pole and lifted the camera up higher. Why didn’t you use the pole Maxine? It was long enough!

She thinks she’s brilliant photographer with an extraordinary talent for turning the mundane into exquisite art. She’s not as good as she thinks she is. She’s much better at the ‘spin’ of that concept, not doing it. She believes if she says it often enough, people will believe in her. Fat Maxine is good at talking about herself, a lot. She’s also very good at latching onto men and taking what she can get from them.


I don’t know how Fat Maxine gets her guys. She smokes, wheezes, swears and well… she’s fat-ugly. You know those ladies who are large on the outside but highly sweet and attractive on the inside? Maxine isn’t that kind of woman.  She ugly inside and out!

She threatens men to get them to sleep with her, I’m sure of that.

Andrew is one of those men she says fucks regularly. That kind of information spews from Maxine’s mouth all the time. She says he’s the one for her but he doesn’t show any affection back. I had to go to the horse’s mouth to find out for myself.

I asked him about it once. “How do you do it?”

“Mitchell, I turn her around so I don’t have to see that fucking face of hers. I just can’t stand to look at her.”

Fat Maxine’s perspective was a little different: “Andrew only ever likes it doggy style. I can’t get him to do anything else. He loves it so much!”

But Fat Maxine and Andrew weren’t together at the time she died. He was seeing someone else that day. She was furious about it! She wanted a fuck and he wasn’t there to provide. He was doing ‘Some other skank‘. So I got a call from her. I told her under no uncertain terms no! She’s been on about it since I met her. She knows I’m married. I’ve told her politely thanks but no thanks. She never gives up… and she never hears the word ‘no’.

And then she remembered the woman I brought to the Christmas party. She knew it wasn’t my wife. We were too friendly to be family. I didn’t think she’d remember anything of the night let alone the woman accompanying me. She was so drunk and belligerent. She fell down twice, the second time was where she slept… all night. They had to throw a blanket over her for modesty reasons. Her short black number didn’t its fat backside and those monster knickers. Why do large women wear mini dresses when there’s nothing mini about themselves? It took two of her lady friends to close those giant legs and hide the hairy growth at their origin.  What a horrid mess that was!

So Maxine’s hairy creature, legs, knickers and fat bloody bum went over a cliff trying to get a shot of that bridge. She went around the fence, not over it, for four and half inches… and then she slipped by complete accident. That’s what the police said.

I could’ve told her where to take her shot. I know the area well. I know it very well.


(Excerpt inspired by SEETHINGS)

The Novel ¦The Author ¦ Order 
SEETHINGS novel by Michael Forman

“Mike’s writing has you in the room from the outset. You are meeting characters left right and centre and then bang –‘it’ is here. He takes you on a vengeful, aggressive journey…” -Michael M Roleystone.


4.5 Inches Caused Photographer’s Death! was originally published on MICHAEL FORMAN AUTHOR

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